Unexpected Death

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Death is something that will happen to everyone. But when that death is unexpected or the result of someones action, it can be a very difficult thing for someone to go through. Questions come to mind that you never got to ask, or you might not have been on the best of terms with that loved on. Hatred could become apart of your life for the person or persons that took that loved one away from you. Or was your relationship good, did you say all the things that you wanted to say.

Norman Mailer made a point in his book, Why Are We At War, that really stood out for me. He stated that of all the people that died in the attacks on the Twins Towers that he did not feel as sorry for the ones that were good husbands, good sons or daughters. He mourned the most for the ones that didn't have that great life. I have to say that I strongly agree with him on this. What about the people who died that were not close to their families? What did they leave unsaid or undone that they wish they could have changed if they had known that that day would be their last. What about the families that they leave behind. Their pain has to be ten times that of someone who was close to their family members.

This brings back a painful memory for me. My father died 10 years ago this past February. It was unexpected. We were going to Jacksonville the next morning to see a specialist to have his leg amputated, but he became sick the night before, went to the E.R. and never left. He passed 4 hours after he got to the E.R. After his death I wandered if he knew how much I really loved him. Did I tell him enough? Did I let him know that I was proud that he was my father? I also know that he worried about me. He was worried about my marriage, he thought I was to young to be a mother and a wife. I know that he worried about me being financially stabe. I was 21 when he died and I was a mother of a 3 yr. old and a wife of 4 yrs. I wander now if he would be proud that I have a good job and that I am still married. When I went to work that night I thought that I had years left with him, that I could tell him everything that needed to be said. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would only see him alive for fifteens minutes that night and that would be it. The things that I would have said to him. I would have never left his side.

My father's unexpected death is the hardest thing that I have had to go through in my life. I miss him more everyday. When I think of the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters that went to work that day and never made it home, I get tears in my eyes. But like Norman Mailer, I feel extra sad for the ones that woke up alone and didn't have anyone to talk to, to tell them that they would see them after work. Say what you mean while you have the time because you never know when you won't have that chance to say it.